A Light Blood Rain


Jerry burst into the council chambers covered in blood. “Good evening ma’am” he said in his usual chipper manner. “Sorry I’m running a bit behind. I ran into a light blood rain at the grade school so I figured I had better stop and pick up a few buckets for the council”. He gently placed two full plastic buckets of blood next to his chair. “It’s o-negative ma’am, the real good stuff. I figured we could use some on hand for the next ritual sacrifice or bake sale”.

“Superb thinking Jerry, you never know when we’ll need a bucket or two of blood and you’ve provided a wonderful segue into our first topic for the evening”. Jerry smiled and wiped some dripping blood from his eyes as he took his seat. “The teachers at the grade school feel that the children are distracted by the ongoing blood rain”. A groan went up through the crowd.

“In my day we called a light blood rain a Tuesday” Yelled Lillian Stanberg from her wheelchair. A smattering of applause followed. 

“Now I understand that we all love a handy blood rain here” The Mayor responded “but the grade school is a sacred institution of learning, built on the sacred corpuses of our town’s founders. Why, I pass by there every morning on my hover to work. Most mornings I hear the tinkling laughter of children and other various creatures, but do you know what I heard today? It was all “oh nooo” and “is it the pterodactyls, are the pterodactyls back”. We need our children focused on enlarging their delicious brains, not fearing blood rain”.

“My daughter Linda is very distracted by the blood rain” interjected concerned citizen Joey Eggs “because she’s a hyper intelligent octopus that I created in my lab. A regular school day is distracting enough for her. Adding blood rain on top of everything else she has to deal with, such as trying to breathe air and not dehydrate, is far too much.”

The Mayor nodded sympathetically.  “This seems like a pretty standard case of a cursing so, would whoever cursed the grade school please step forward?” The crown was silent. Suddenly, a clap of thunder filled the room. All of the lights in the chamber went out but the room was illuminated by a single bolt of lightning streaking the sky.

The lights came back on abruptly and in a puff of smoke, a silver haired woman in a long red cloak appeared. “It is I Melorna the blood witch who hath cursed the grade school” she announced in a high rapsy voice “and it shall continue to be cursed for all of eternity unless you make me the new Mayoress of our town.”

“Yaaayyyyyy” cired the crowd. 

“Eternal blood rain Ma,am, just think of all the bake sales! Our social committee would be funded in perpetuity”. The Mayor placed her hand thoughtfully on her chin for a moment. 

“First of all there is no feminine derivative of the title of Mayor. We don’t say Judgette or Presidentess. It’s just Mayor. Second, I appreciate the amount of work that goes into an eternal curse and the town would like to accept your generous donation of one eternal blood rain cloud.” Another cheer from the townspeople. 

“What about our children” called Joey Eggs. 

“Jerry, please send a couple of poltergeists from the maintenance crew over to the school. Have them pick it up and move it just about 6 acres to the left. We’ll do a little maintenance on the land and in a few months we’ll repurpose the area as the eternal blood rain park.” Again the townspeople applauded.

“We love our Mayor” called a voice from the back. 

“Thank you, thank you. You’re too kind”.

“Jerry, please write Mrs. Blood Witch a receipt for her generous donation.”