Dear Lydia,
My name is also Lydia, because we are the same person. Just thought I would take a moment to let you know I’ve been really enjoying the work you’ve been doing over on Cracked.com. Honestly, I wasn’t too sure about you working with people whom you’ve admired at a far for years. It seemed to me at first that you were really, really, really, really, like really, unqualified. Why you? I said to myself, who is also you. Of all the talented people who Cracked could have asked to write a weekly column why did they chose a girl who had only submitted six articles, three of which had been rejected.
I have to say, you’ve assailed some of my fears. Your article on Superman’s mustache being digitally altered out of the Justice League movie made me laugh. Then again, it’s almost impossible to make that article NOT funny. What I’m trying to say is, I think there might possibly be a universe in which you are a writer and against all odds, it might be this universe. Sorry that it has to be the same Universe where Donald Trump is president.
I know you’re not one for acknowledging how your feeling, because again, I am you. I just wanted to let you know that I’ve decided it’s ok for you to be overwhelmed.It seemed like submitting your first article was playing a baseball game, and you won! Then you realized that was the opening pitch of a tournament. Also, you don’t really know the rules of the tournament, or how long it will last. The tournament could end tomorrow and everyone will forget that it even happened to you. Or, you could become the next Babe Ruth. No one knows. Life is crazy, but that what makes it fun, but that’s also what makes it poo pants scary.
Lately you seem like a teenage girl in love. You can’t sleep because you’re waking up at 3AM to jot down an article idea in your iphone notes. You’re smiling all the time because you thought of a great fart joke about the Incredible Hulk. You remember what happens at the end of a teenage romance, though. That’s why you don’t date anymore. Well, mostly you don’t date anymore because you got married, but that’s beside the point.
In summation I just wanted to say, congratulations girl! You did it. Don’t be all #blessed all over the place, but fuck it. You earned it. How many whole novels have you written and thrown away without ever showing anyone? How many short stories have you written just for you? You worked your ass off to become a better writer and now you’re getting what you’ve literally always wanted. SO DON’T SCREW IT UP. Stop second guessing yourself, listen to the infinitely more talented people who are giving you advice, and if you need a day to be overwhelmed, fucking take it! You’ve got this…I’m pretty sure you’ve got this. Jesus Christ, I hope you’ve got this.